Slain by the Spirit!

A little old lady came in by ambulance after falling at church and hitting her head. She said she had her hands up in the air and was praying, and the spirit took her and she fell backward, lacerating her scalp.

She said this happened a lot to her (and other people) at her church--they would be "slain by the spirit." The PA said he understood, the same thing would happen when his wife's family went to church.

"Yes," the lady said, "I love to go visit Jesus!"

I said I didn't think I would enjoy visiting Jesus if every time I came into his house he knocked me down.

HBO, Are You Listening?

I have an idea for a TV show! A drama about a wisecracking ER night nurse who is also a vampire! She takes extra vials of blood to save and drink later, and she preys on the drug-seekers and methadonians because she is addicted to the narcotics in their blood! She can get an IV in ANYONE simply by smelling for a vein.

Sort of a cross between Nurse Jackie and True Blood, no?

We'll call it "Nurseferatu!"

*rim shot*

(ok, let's give credit where it's due: I was drawing blood from an elderly gent, and when he commented about the number of tubes I was taking. I made my standard comment that I'm really a vampire, and that I always drink the extra blood so it doesn't go to waste. His friend at the bedside looked at me and said, "oh! You're Nurseferatu!" So, no, I didn't come up with it--but it was too funny to not post!)

What NOT to Say in the ER

"Can you help my father? He's bleeding out" when what he's "bleeding out" of is the band-aid on his hand covering the minor laceration he got while trying to fix a broken hairdryer with a butter knife.

It's a good day in the ER

When I get to use my GGRN Special Bum Foot Cleaner and Deodorizer! In a plastic bag, mix one part shampoo, one part mouthwash, add an amp of bicarb, add warm water. Place patient's disgusting, crusty, stinky foot in bag and tape bag shut around ankle. Repeat with other foot. Marinate for a few minutes, agitate around feet, remove bag, and rinse!

Voila, CLEAN BUM FEET!

Sometimes I get those too...