Best statement of the night from an inebriated man who was brought in by EMS:
Me: Sir, why are you here tonight?
Drunk: I dunno. I just wanted some chicken and fries and I ended up here. Do you have any chicken and fries?
Me: No, sir, I don't.
Drunk: Well, fuck you then.
Because we were busy, he ended up in a stretcher in the hallway right near me. He proceeded to have a very animated conversation with himself, and then sing at the top of his lungs. The song consisted of gibberish with the words "America," "real," and "sexy" thrown in for good measure. His singing style was actually reminiscent of Joe Cocker singing "You Are So Beautiful," especially the part where he sings "to meeeeeeeeeeeee" way up high and his voice cracks.
He was really amusing--at least until he shit his pants. Then he was just smelly.