So, as I mentioned before, my life lately has been the perfect shitstorm.
As you know, my mom passed away in October. It wasn't unexpected, but it still sucked. My sister (who lives in North Carolina, and who at the time was 6 months pregnant) and I had to scramble to get the estate straightened out, get Mom's apartment ready to sell (holy shit, old people save SO MUCH CRAP!!), and deal with some minor issues (when my sister and her hubs were staying at Mom's for the memorial service, they used the shower, which leaked on the lady downstairs and ruined her ceiling and closet and she wasn't happy).
Then in January, my elderly dog started having seizures. Grand mal seizures. It was horrifying. We took him to the vet after the first one, and he said he thought it was probably a brain tumor, because the dog had also been having some neurological issues with his back legs and walking. We put him on phenobarbital, which of course made him dopey and barely able to function. But he was my sweetie pie, and I didn't care as long as he was comfortable and able to eat, drink, pee, and poop normally. He was 14 years old, and had seen me through being single, and nursing school, and dating idiots, and other crises and I loved him very very much. He kept seizing even with the phenobarb, and his walking deteriorated to the point where we were carrying his back end with a sling (which he hated). This was not easy, as he was a large dog (90 lbs). We also had to deal with a weekend during which our elevator was out of order, so my husband and I had to carry him up and down four flights of stairs twice a day, with him barking and howling in displeasure the entire time. It was not pleasant.
Then one night he woke us up at 3 am. He was howling and couldn't get up. He had slipped off his dog bed and was lying on the floor, but couldn't move enough to get comfortable. He drank water and ate a bowl of food hungrily, but we couldn't get him to relax enough. He was panting and miserable, and we made the decision to call the pet ambulance and take him to the all-night vet to have him put down.
Of course the minute the vet techs showed up with their cool sling, he got up and walked to the door. But he fell at their feet, and we still took him in anyway. He ate a banana (his favorite food) in the ambulance, and then another one as the vet was injecting the propofol to put him to sleep. He finally relaxed against me, his head against my shoulder. His body was so relaxed, he felt like a puppy again, the sweet boy I remembered from years ago, not the aging, arthritic, pain-plagued elderly adult he was. I kept my arms around him as she injected the phenobarb overdose, and I felt his heart stop.
I'd never had to put a pet to sleep before; this was my first dog ever. Even though my heart was breaking (and it still is--I'm crying as I type this), I knew we had done the best thing for him. He was never going to get any better. The vet confirmed this by saying, "It was time. You did the right thing." Now, I know they probably teach vets to say this in their first year of vet school, but man, it made me feel better. So, thanks, midnight vet, for being kind to me and my sweet boy at the end.
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17 comments:
Oh! How totally sad. I cried as I read it, remembering my dear old Keisha who went in very much the same way last year. Hugs to you and yr. husb. I waited six months and then went to the shelter and found a lovely goofy 3 yr old lab mix, who is helping fill the hole in my heart. When it's time, I hope you can find another dog person to help you heal.
oh my god, you've turned me into a mess of tears! So sad!! My dog is approaching the last years of his life, and it already weighs heavily on my mind that he won't be here a whole lot longer.
:(
I had a cat that was very ill quite a few years ago, and I waited too long to do what you did. I will always regret that last horrible night.
Very sorry about your dog :( You are having quite a rough time of it lately. Here's to hoping things turn around soon.
Sorry to hear about everything going on = and losing the dog. We had to do that with a cat last year, it was hard to do.
We had to put our 14 year old husky to sleep last year, your post made me cry. Its so sad.
My empathies, losing a loved pet is very hard and emotional because they are a part of your family a part of you.
When I was vet nursing you dealt with the humans as much as the furry family members.
We were taught the grief process because we dealt with grief almost daily, sometimes several times a day as animals were humanely and comfortably taken out of pain or suffering.
It is hard for the nurse/vet and usually we would have had the loss of our own animal at some stage, so the empathy is genuine, you did do the right thing for your loved pet, for your family and it was hard.
Many people find euthanasia a difficult decision when it comes to their pet, however animals hide pain much better than we do for survival, losing their normal daily lifestyle depresses them and in the wild they would have left this world sooner, we need to remember this sometimes to appreciate that what we do for them is a kinder option.
Regards
Kirst
Nothing sucks as much.
Nothing at all.
:(
Good puppy.
This brought me to tears. I know how hard this is. He sounds as though he was a beautiful boy.
I'm so sorry. Your experience sounds much like mine with a very beloved cat many years ago. It's awful and coming on the heels of losing your mom can't but make it worse.
Pets are one of the few things on earth that touch us as nothing else can. I'm sorry for your loss.
Sniffling as I write this. Sooooo sorry about your loss. We really don't know how much we love them until they're gone. They of course, love us unconditionally 24/7. You've had a rough couple of months.
Take it easy on yourself. Give yourself a little time to relax, do nothing. Grief has a funny way of crawling up on you and sucking the air out of your lungs, no advance notice.
Putting a pet down is a miserable experience. It's by far the worst part of owning and loving a pet. You did right by him, though, as I'm sure you know. He appreciates that.
You're giving me a special gift,
So sorrowfully endowed,
And through these last few cherished days,
Your courage makes me proud.
But really, love is knowing
When your best friend is in pain,
And understanding earthly acts
Will only be in vain.
So looking deep into your eyes,
Beyond, into your soul,
I see in you the magic, that will
Once more make me whole.
The strength that you possess,
Is why I look to you today,
To do this thing that must be done,
For it's the only way.
That strength is why I've followed you,
And chose you as my friend,
And why I've loved you all these years...
My partner 'til the end.
Please, understand just what this gift,
You're giving, means to me,
It gives me back the strength I've lost,
And all my dignity.
You take a stand on my behalf,
For that is what friends do.
And know that what you do is right,
For I believe it too.
So one last time, I breathe your scent,
And through your hand I feel,
The courage that's within you,
To now grant me this appeal.
Cut the leash that holds me here,
Dear friend, and let me run,
Once more a strong and steady dog,
My pain and struggle done.
And don't despair my passing,
For I won't be far away,
Forever here, within your heart,
And memory I'll stay.
I'll be there watching over you,
Your ever faithful friend,
And in your memories I'll run,
...a young dog once again.
In Memory of Asta, Feb. 1997
(c) Karen Clouston
Thinking of you.
Sooo, soooo sorry for the loss of your dog. I had to do the same thing for my 13 yr old dog on my birthday. There is something about that peacefulness at the very end. Still hurts to think about it all, but you did the humane thing.
i don't even know u and your story made me cry..... http://www.indigo.org/rainbowbridge_ver2.html
I know this is an old post, but I wanted to say that I am really glad your vet used the propofol. I am an emergency vet and have to euthanize more than my fair share of animals. You almost always have to do it for someone you have never met. We place IV catheters in all animals that will have their owners present. I then give propofol prior to the pentobarb. It makes it so much smoother. Since we almost always have propofol that is over the 12 hr expiration time, it is low cost for the clinic and makes all the difference in the world.
Kudos to you to knowing when is when. I find that most owners feel that they waited too long. And kudos to your vet for helping you through this. And I am not sure when we are advised to say "It was time and you did the right thing." But every vet I have worked with has their version of this.
I just wanted to say this post made me cry... I recently had to put down my first ever pet as well... And it literally about killed me. If you visit my blog (growinguplost.wordpress.com ), you'll see a link at the top of it entitled "Princess" or, there's a picture of her in the upper right hand corner you can click on and read her story.
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