(Please note the *asterisks of sarcasm*)
The drunk who had been snoozing suddenly decided he had to pee, so he whipped out his wing-wang and started hosing down his chest, the bed, and the floor with torrents of piss. "Dude, WAIT! What are you DOING!" I yelled.
"I gotta piss!" he answered. Nice. The river of loin lemonade started to splatter and flow underneath the curtain, where it soiled the socks of his next-door-neighbor, a young woman having a sickle cell crisis.
Next, he got up and staggered to the bathroom...better late than never, I suppose. On his return, he decided that he would much rather get into bed with the young sickler woman than get back in his own bed. With much persuading, he staggered along to his own stretcher, and upon discovering that they were soaked with his own urine, yelled, "Nurse! My bed is wet! Change these sheets!"
One of the doctors was passing by and made him say "Please" to me. *Because you know, that "Please" made it a MUCH MORE FUN TASK FOR ME.*
As I was bundling up his *fragrant and lovely* soaked bedclothes, the following exchange took place:
Him: So, we gonna get together?
Me: What?
Him: You know, are we gonna BE TOGETHER?
Me: What!?
Him: You know. Fuckin'.
Me: I don't believe that will be happening today, sir, since I don't find men who piss their beds attractive.
Him: Fuck you, then.
Me: Yeah, not so much.
I went to fetch security to remove the gentleman, which they were only too happy to do, since on arriving at the man's bedside, they discovered that he had sparked up a spliff the size of a cigar and was happily toking away in the middle of the ED.
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6 comments:
Dying laughing at "loin lemonade."
Is the drunk-trying-to-get-in-bed-with-someone-else thing a common occurrence? 'Cause I was in the ER last month (a UTI the GYN told me I didn't have decided to go to my kidneys on Good Friday and no doctors could be reached, and not for my lack of trying) and that happened to some poor old lady at the end of the hall.
Yeah, I'm laughing pretty hard at "loin lemonade", too...
I am SO stealing that...
I hope he gives you a good Press-Ganey. But wait, you turned him down so maybe not....
GuitarGirlRN,
You just need to lower your standards. I expect that JCAHO will mandate screening for lust and providing a therapeutic intervention that will turn the ED into a part time brothel.
Just lie there and think of Press Gainey. :-)
Thanks for this, I forget how much Rn's deal with that has nothing to do with the medical. Maybe that is why I have so many RN's care workers, since they get around the same pay and have nice polite patients, most of whom do NOT proposition themselves for sex (but many of whom do use pot - this is Canada after all, if in doubt on pain control, give them pot!).
Its just sad, because in any other place in society, a natural response would be to beat the crap out of that guy, or have a selected surrogate i.e security,or your brother do so. If the guy can be a bastard and ambulate, then GTF-O-MED. And you certainly should be able to take his spliff and share. Sorry for you nurses, takes a much much better person than I. Hell im mad now "for you" as I type.
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