Not free pregnancy test room.
I was standing at the front desk with the patient reps, shooting the breeze, and a young woman came up and started signing in.
Me: How can I help you?
Woman: Do you guys do free pregnancy tests?
Me: No. You can get them at any drugstore pretty inexpensively, or you can go to Planned Parenthood on Monday.
Woman: Oh. Well, I don't trust those tests. They're not accurate.
Me: We use the exact same test as the ones sold in the drugstore. Are you having any bleeding or abdominal pain right now?
Woman: No. What about a blood test?
Me: We only do those if you're having an emergency. Have you missed your period?
Me: I'm confused; can you tell me a little bit about why you want a pregnancy test?
Woman: Well, I'm trying to get pregnant, and I might be pregnant, and I want to start prenatal care as soon as possible.
Me: You should probably see your OB/GYN for checkup and a pregnancy test, then, since we don't do prenatal care in the ER.
Woman: But I don't have an OB/GYN.
Me: Again, Planned Parenthood is a good resource. I can also give you our physician referral line number.
Woman: I really just want a pregnancy test.
Me: If you want to sign in to be seen by the doctor, you can. But I'm not going to give you a pregnancy test.
Woman: (sighs and stomps out)