A very sweet and polite man came into triage after filling the triage slip out with "intestinal obstruction."
He told me, very calmly, that he had an inflatable dildo stuck up inside him (the "inflating part" that looks like a sphygmomanometer bulb had broken off), and he was having some pain.
When I commented that his BP and pulse were rather elevated, he admitted that he had smoked some crystal meth.
I did some patient teaching about how perhaps meth lowers one's judgement level, and that it's not a good idea to put anything that does not have a flanged base up one's ass, and sent him back.
Later, I was present for his conscisous sedation to see if we could get it out. Nope. It was wedged under his diaphragm. You could feel it from the outside. The x-ray was phenomenal.
Throughout the whole thing, he was calm, polite, thankful and quite nice. The model patient.
Best line of the night?
Me: I saw your x-ray. Dude, that thing is a freakin' MONSTER!
Him: (smiles) I think I will just let that x-ray speak for itself.
I've been an ER nurse for just a couple of years now....I just want to know why so many people keep their vegetables in the shower. Isn't that what the crisper is for?!? Heh
Every so often I'll have folks like that myself. Only difference being, you're equipped to deal with it. The porn store you bought said dildo is hoping never to see that product come in ever again and the customers get very upset when we tell them they need to seek medical attention.
14 comments:
I prolly shouldn't be laughing at that, but I sure am.
picture pages, picture pages, time to get your paper and your pencil...
heh,heh, heh. Seen it all to often.
Ow, ow, owwww!
On a different note...
Great blog! Consider yourself linked :)
oh how I love word puzzles!
Choke that one up to "Bad Idea"
Uhhh, yeah.. I think we're going to need to hear the story behind this.
By the way, after I saw you linked on Ambulance Driver AND Meat in the Seat, I had to give your blog a read... Love it! Keep posting.
A very sweet and polite man came into triage after filling the triage slip out with "intestinal obstruction."
He told me, very calmly, that he had an inflatable dildo stuck up inside him (the "inflating part" that looks like a sphygmomanometer bulb had broken off), and he was having some pain.
When I commented that his BP and pulse were rather elevated, he admitted that he had smoked some crystal meth.
I did some patient teaching about how perhaps meth lowers one's judgement level, and that it's not a good idea to put anything that does not have a flanged base up one's ass, and sent him back.
Later, I was present for his conscisous sedation to see if we could get it out. Nope. It was wedged under his diaphragm. You could feel it from the outside. The x-ray was phenomenal.
Throughout the whole thing, he was calm, polite, thankful and quite nice. The model patient.
Best line of the night?
Me: I saw your x-ray. Dude, that thing is a freakin' MONSTER!
Him: (smiles) I think I will just let that x-ray speak for itself.
This is a classic post. So true. Thanks for the laugh.
Two years of ED, and I have yet to care for someone with this particular "complaint"
Seen lots of Xrays, though..
I seem to get the "rings stuck on penis for several hours" people...
Gotta Love it! Thanks for a great "Belly Laugh" this am.
Great blog!
John
I've been an ER nurse for just a couple of years now....I just want to know why so many people keep their vegetables in the shower. Isn't that what the crisper is for?!? Heh
Every so often I'll have folks like that myself. Only difference being, you're equipped to deal with it. The porn store you bought said dildo is hoping never to see that product come in ever again and the customers get very upset when we tell them they need to seek medical attention.
It's not simple arithmetic, it's nurse-rithmetic!
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