Hey Cranky Old Nurse!

PLEASE stop freaking picking on me. Come on, don't make the old adage, "Nurses eat their young" be true!

Actually, it's not just one cranky old nurse--it's two. And, to be completely honest, they don't pick on just me, or just new or younger nurses. They pick on EVERYONE. And before I get all jumped on, there are a ton of older/more experienced nurses who are great, who have fantastic senses of humor, and who do their jobs and don't make people want to toss them off the top of the hospital.

These two are like Heckle and Jekyll (but not as funny). They sit there and caw at everyone, and also talk about people loudly behind their backs.

HEY HECKLE! Quit yer bitchin! We all are working very hard. I didn't give you that extra patient because I'm "inexperienced as a charge nurse." You happen to have the only open bed. It's a kid with a hand laceration. He's fine, nothing to do. Just wait for the Motrin and tetanus shot order. Please don't argue about it with me in front of everyone. Oh, and if I'm 15 minutes late to relieve you for your 30-minute afternoon break (because your compatriot was late getting back from hers), don't insist that you're having a "blood-sugar moment" and commandeer TWO residents to bring you outside onto the ambulance bay "for some air." And then not come back for 45 minutes.

HEY JECKYLL! I know that you are old. I know that we have to rotate who does ambulance triage every day, so sometimes you will get picked. But SHIT WOMAN! It should NOT take you A HALF AN HOUR to triage a patient and get him or her into our tracking system. Oh wait! You refuse to do the last step of actually clicking the little button that puts the patient into the appropriate bed in our list on the computer. Right, that's the charge nurse's job. And when I tell you to put a patient into a specific bed, don't switch them all around without telling me so I look like an ass when a doc is looking for a patient and I keep sending her to the wrong bed. Also? Last time I checked, your JOB as ambulance triage included taking the patient's vitals yourself. NOT taking up a tech for yourself and sending her all over the ED to take your vital signs, and then bitching that she's not doing it fast enough. I know you're OLD and that OLD people are not good at computers--get over it. My mother is 73 years old and has a freaking post-grad degree in NURSING INFORMATICS and is better with computers than me. Oh, and speaking of my mother? When you recognized my last name, I realized that you had been taught by my mom when you were in nursing school. I mentioned you to my mom and she shrugged and said, "Huh. I'm surprised she's still a nurse."

BOTH OF YOU: I don't WANT TO BE IN CHARGE. Believe me. OUR BOSS wants me to be in charge because she thinks I'll be good at it. Thank GOD I don't ever have to do it for more than a few hours at a time.

PLEASE don't quote "policy" at me when I'm trying to make a patient more comfortable after she's been assaulted. And DO NOT question her victimhood just outside the curtain. SHE CAN HEAR YOU, you insensitive fuckers!

And when our boss puts someone new in charge, someone who has had similar experience in a different field, someone who would actually be BETTER AT IT THAN YOU, someone who actually WANTS to be in charge, do NOT: 1) stand around belittling him; 2) call the nursing supervisor to complain; 3) call the nurse manager at home at 7:30 am on a Sunday to complain; or 4) complain so much that she has to call someone in from home to be in charge, because even though you don't want the current person in charge, YOU WON'T STEP UP EITHER.

Annoying freaks.